Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
