So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
