Just cropdusted the office
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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