South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
