the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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