I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
