I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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