There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
