are you so shy because you have an std?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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