Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
