So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
