so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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