i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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