My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
