why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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