I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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