4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
two words...techno handjob
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
