I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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