it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
