i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
