I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
