We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
