And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
