we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
