after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
