there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
