I didn't shave. On purpose
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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