i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
