i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
