I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
