My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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