Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
