my shit smells like andre
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
