mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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