dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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