I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
