You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize