You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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