How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
