Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
