tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
