it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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