so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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