I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
