you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
her facebook's as public as her vagina
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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