Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
