38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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