i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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