Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
