I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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