Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
