Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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