This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
