The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
