omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I could make wine with my vomit
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
