why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
