Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
