just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
