Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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