The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize