Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
