He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
