If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
