i would punch a child for taco bell
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
