he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
