Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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