R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
