im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize