"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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