I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
