Where is the hickey?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
