He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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