Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
