had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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