We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
