woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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