with your own penis?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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