no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
