i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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