is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
